Turning Hallmark Traditions into something Special with Spirit…Lessons from the other side.

img_9632

I didn’t look up when I spoke. The words sort of tumbled out from I don’t know where. “Why don’t you make him one anyway,” I said. My voice was soft, sort of questioning.
“Where would I send it?” she replied.
“I don’t know. Don’t you have an altar. A memorial. Maybe a place where you keep his special things?” I asked.
Then I glanced at her, slightly lifting my head to the right, to where she was sitting next to me at the table, working on her cards. A litter of pink and silver hearts and stickers. Then I saw it. A single tear had formed at the corner of her eye. It was sitting on her eyelid, suspended. I quickly turned away.
“Maybe it’s not the right thing then,” I added. I turned back to my own work. What right had I, I thought. I hardly knew this woman. We had only met that afternoon. We had been chatting while we were making Valentines Cards and over lunch at a mutual friend’s house but I didn’t know her personally. I didn’t even know who the “he” was she had referred to, or who he was to her. I only knew he had passed on a day when the world had shifted politically and that day would ever have his imprint on it.

Like Jesi. Like 9/11 did for me. So I had blurted out what I did to cope with losing my sweet sixteen year old. But the woman sitting beside me didn’t know anything about that. And I didn’t say anything about it either. I just continued making my cards.

But when Valentines Day came around for the third time since Jesi left her body, her card sat on my altar and I know, although I didn’t have any special sense or message from her on the day itself, that she was aware of my love for her.

img_9668

Less than three weeks ago I felt her presence strongly in my room just near the altar. It was the first night I spent in my new apartment and I was in that place between wakefulness and sleep. I sensed her dance into the room, light and full of joy. She hovered above me in the space between my bed and her altar. I knew why she had come. She was telling me she was overjoyed for my moving into a place of my own, a small apartment in the woods.
I know not to expect Spirit to visit at my will. I am learning to trust in Jesi’s presence despite not always being able to control or sense it as I might like to. That is the task I have been given and I am embracing it.
Perhaps that has something to do with my blurting out what I did around the crafting table that afternoon…

Advertisements
This entry was posted in remembering and memorials, Spiritual Beliefs, Writing about Loss of a daughter and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Turning Hallmark Traditions into something Special with Spirit…Lessons from the other side.

  1. Diane Gallagher says:

    A new home in the woods…sounds magical to me. I am happy you are settled into your new place. May every euphoric sense of Jesi’s spirit uplift you, Liz. Xo Diane

  2. newstart4liz says:

    Thank you so much Diane …. it is quite magical too… I feel that as Mimi and I potter through the woods on our morning walks … even in my heavy coat and snow boots!
    I am in Sydney at the moment visiting my mum … but when I get back I will be looking forward soon enough to watching spring burst forth and the transformation from white into green!
    Sending hugs xx liz

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s