Category Archives: Writing

Anniversaries … Going on Without Her

For Kari it started in the summer, looming like the forecast of an oncoming hurricane, still distant but with 100% certainty of landfall. On a specific date: the location, her heart. For me, I only became aware of it in … Continue reading

Posted in Anniversary of Death of Child, Divorced Family coping with Loss of a Teenager, Loss and Grief and Healing, Writing | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

The Around and Around of Grief

I’m angry. Its early morning and I open my eyes to a foggy grayness that I sometimes sense inside my head. But not today. Today I wake up instantly alert… and angry. I feel the anger in my ribs as … Continue reading

Posted in Anniversary of Death of Child, Grief and Loss, Mother mourning Loss of a Daughter, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Out of the Light of Chaos

This is what I had been waiting for. I am standing in the kitchen my hands wrapped around a mug of coffee. It is early, or it seems so as I am still waking up. I am frustrated that the … Continue reading

Posted in Kari Watson Composer, Mother Daughter Relationships, Mother's Healing Journey after Loss, Music and Emotion, Writing | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

A Twin, Alone on her Birthday…

Imagine being eighteen and dreading your birthday. The dread arrives weeks before your birthday does. It arrives on wings edging its way through your dorm room window, sliding in a crack open against the stuffy heat of the college heating … Continue reading

Posted in birthdays and grieving, loss of one twin, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Family Weekend for Kari … How Jesi makes her presence felt!

Online registration for Family Weekend at Oberlin College is frustrating. Even the woman on the other end of the phone, an Oberlin employee who I have called for assistance keeps reminding me so, although the knot in the base of … Continue reading

Posted in College Freshman after Loss of Twin Sister to Cancer, Divorced Family coping with Loss of a Teenager, Spiritual Beliefs, Using Music as an Agent for Healing after Losing a Twin, Writing | Tagged , , | 6 Comments

Tuning into Jesi

I am lying on a yoga mat listening to the instructor’s voice. She is telling me to breathe into my belly, to feel it expand. I rest my right hand on my chest and feel the swell of it under … Continue reading

Posted in Dealing with Loss, James Van Praagh, Mother's Healing Journey after Loss, Photographs, Spirituality and Beliefs, Writing, Writing about Loss of a daughter | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Walking in the Light

Six years ago we sat in the lounge room at Alan’s house, the floor scattered with inflated balloons. We were all there; Kari, Chris, Jesi, Alan, the dog sleeping among the debris of paper and streamers and marker pens. Even … Continue reading

Posted in In Memory of a Teenager who died of Cancer, Leukemia and Lymphoma society Light the Night Walk, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Our Jesi Memorial on 9/11

  For the days leading up to this, the second anniversary of Jesi’s passing, I have felt a wash of emotions. Sitting in yogic pose on the edge of the pond three days ago, I remember the unthinking comment of … Continue reading

Posted in Anniversary of Death of Child, Divorced Family coping with Loss of a Teenager, Grief and Loss, Memorials and Remembering, Writing | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments

Taking Kari (and Jesi) to College

As the minivan, loaded with boxes and bins crammed full of her clothes and music books and photos, and all the newly purchased dorm supplies lurches out of our street and onto the main road, I suddenly find myself thinking … Continue reading

Posted in College Freshman after Loss of Twin Sister to Cancer, Divorced Family coping with Loss of a Teenager, loss of a twin to cancer, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Jesi Sends a Frog

The moving guys have gone and I am standing on the steps of Alan’s house in Lexington, the last of the three stops we have made. Most of my possessions are out of the apartment in Arlington. What is left … Continue reading

Posted in Being open to Messages from the Afterlife, Enduring Nature of Love, Writing | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment